Mark Medzger Apologizes to Poker Nation

Mark Medzger, CEO of the Mark Metzger Poker Player, Inc.®  empire, publicly apologized today for the recent incidents of sudden and unexpected acceleration in the Mark Metzger game.

Testifying before the Waxman Committee in Congress, Medzger explained that the incidents of acceleration were “entirely unanticipated.”  The results were two months in a row of “el stompo,” as the Financial Times characterized it.

“I have assigned a team of top poker touts to examine the reasons for this sudden acceleration,” Mr. Medzger said.  “We believe that the principal cause of this acceleration has been the aggressive nuzzling by Oskar (the Wonder Dog) of players at critical times in the game and we have taken steps to address this issue,” Mr. Medzger said at the hearing.  Sources said that Oskar will get a 4 ½-pound T-bone steak at 8:05 PM to distract the little devil.

Other sources, however, indicated that software aberrations had prevented Mark Metzger Poker Player from such previously standard behaviors as drawing to an inside straight, hanging in against “Diamond” Ben Richardson when it looks like he has two fours, holding the face-card kicker with a pair in draw, or following the sage advice of John Dacey.  Oh, and then there’s getting the cards.

“As our history has demonstrated, Mark Metzger Poker Player has a consistent track record of avoiding these acceleration incidents,” Mr. Medzger said.  “But, hey, screw you.  We ain’t doin’ no stinkin’ recalls.  See you Friday, March 5 at 8:00 PM.”

Best,

The House

DISCLAIMER:  This information is provided as a public service.  The House has no contractual or other relationship with Mark Metzger Poker Player, Inc. ® or Oskar the Wonder Dog.

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