The Boys of Autumn

As Opening Day approaches, I’m sure everyone is wondering the same thing The House is:  how the Yanks gonna make out this year?

How’s the Captain gonna do?  Has he still got it?  Does he even know where his left side is?

Are the alphabet boys – CC and AJ – gonna live up to expectations?

Is this the year Joba blooms as a starter (without the bugs)?

Can the Brettster really fill the center-field shoes of Dimagg, Mantle, Murcer, Bernie … the Melkmeister …

Has Mo got another year or two in him?

Can Jorge make the throw to second?

And, of course, most importantly: HOW DO WE GET RID OF A-ROD?  This has gotta be the worst example of a human being who has ever played in the Bronx (and The House acknowledges that’s going a ways).  What are we doing with a guy like this wearing pinstripes?  Compare the image of Graig Nettles diving into the stands coming up with the ball and without a tooth or two with the image of A-Rod staring motionless at a foul-area popup as he struggles to decide if he will be trying to score a post-game date with Madonna or with Eliot Spitzer’s madam.

He can’t hit Kate Moss’s weight in the postseason.

If you look up “bum” in Wikipedia,,it redirects to A-Rod.

He is the living definition of “empty statistics.”

The House, as you may gather, is not enamored of A-Rod.  The House, frankly, wishes a scalpel had gone astray in his hip surgery.  About windpipe-level.

But, alas, such was not to be.

So let us gather, Yankee fans, this Friday, April 3 at 8:00 PM to consider the  prospects of our beloved Bombers.  Those few of you who are fans of other teams may choose to discuss other matters.

Best,

The House