Blago Rules?
The House wishes to bring you up to date on the controversy over Illinois Gov. Rod Blagoyevich’s appointment of a replacement player to the Game. As you may know from Fox News, a vacancy at the table emerged when Brother Howe decided to spend his weekends in Florida until the weather in New England becomes more salubrious (ca. Memorial Day).
In his exuberance over the opportunity to appoint a successor to former Illinois Senator, now President-Elect, Barack Obama, Gov. Blagoyevich – according to Justice Department wiretaps – evidently conceived that his authority extended to a wide number of open positions.
“I’ve got this thing and it’s [expletive deleted] golden!” Gov. Blagoyevich is recorded exclaiming. “Anybody I put in there is gonna be able to suck eight, maybe ten dollars out of those clowns. Every damn month!”
At this point, Gov. Blagoyevich’s wife, the demure and retiring Patti, is heard on the wiretaps suggesting that “We can [expletive deleted] take those [expletive deleted] for every [expletive deleted] nickel they have and we can [expletive deleted] roast their [expletive deleted] if I [expletive deleted] the [expletive deleted] to [expletive deleted] the [expletive deleted] in a [expletive deleted] as far as [expletive deleted] you [expletive deleted] the [expletive deleted] to [expletive deleted]. Twice.
“I want the [expletive deleted] peanut concession and the [expletive deleted] chip concession and [expletive deleted] it, the [expletive deleted] mini-pretzel concession. And if I don’t get them , I’m gonna [expletive deleted] the [expletive deleted] to [expletive deleted] as [expletive deleted] for [expletive deleted]. [Expletive deleted] it, I’m [expletive deleted] tired of this [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]. [Expletive deleted] them!”
Despite widespread opposition to his appointive powers, Gov. Blagoyevich gamely named Pope Benedict XVI to the vacant Howe seat at the Game, while also seeking to install Justin Timberlake as Chairman of the FCC, Chuck Norris as Ambassador to the U.N., and Big Brown to the Louisiana Racing Commission. He is holding in abeyance his appointments to the Nobel Peace Prize Committee and the Lexington-Bedford Youth Hockey Steering Committee, waiting for higher bids.
The House invites you to meet at 8:00 PM, Friday, Jan. 9, to determine whether His Holiness meets the high standards of membership in the First Friday Poker Game. And whether he knows enough fart jokes. Until our august deliberations are completed, the Secretary of the Game (Oskar) has been detailed to keep Christ’s Vicar on Earth at bay with his formidable schnozz.
Best,
The House
January 7, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I love communication that is so expletivicit
January 7, 2009 at 3:03 pm
When you type “e” now, does Word auto-fill “xpletive deleted?”
Thanks for the [expletive deleted] memories but I’m escorting my mother down to Captiva (sunny, 78 degrees forecast). Someone’s got to suffer.
January 7, 2009 at 3:46 pm
[Expletive deleted] politicians can’t make any money on the side these days.
I will be escorting my seven year old terror cell to a religious education function, so I will not be in a position to make my annual contribution of lunch money to the group at this time.
On another note, my eleven year old terror cell placed the following comments on his inappropriate behavior worksheet for his visit to the school authorities yesterday: “None of this is aloud (sic) in school: saying [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted] you, [expletive deleted], pointing my middle finger, throwing [victim's name removed to protect his privacy] to the ground and otherwise trying to kill him.”
Would that our fine leaders had his sense of contrition.
January 7, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Gents:
With no Gordon, no Alex, and no Jeff, who’s going to be the*&^%#! pigeon? I will be there to find out.
January 8, 2009 at 12:17 am
So does this mean that Cincinnati Iman devolves into Cincinnati Pope, or do you finally add a second deck and stick with the Rabbi?
I’m sure that my seat will be in good hands. (Don’t push that one too far…!)