Bail out

Overshadowed this week by yet another bailout plea from the auto companies was the hearing on the First Friday Poker Game request – make that urgent request – for federal assistance (as The House’s lobbyist insists we refer to it).

Rest assured, The House did not make the risible error of traveling to Our Nation’s Capital by private jet to prostrate itself before the committee.  No, The House wisely chartered a private car on the Acela Express, which allowed for a diverting game of chance en route with a number of gullible passengers who stumbled into it, thinking it was the dining car.

The House did, perhaps, misstep by bringing Oskar along, as he proceeded to “nuzzle” every senator on the committee, by way of friendly greeting.  In an unseemly fit of pique, the committee refused to allow Oskar to testify.  He was prepared to offer heart-warming character references for all of the Brethren.  But he was, alas, muzzled.

However, The House made a compelling presentation of its bold, multi-faceted plan for restructuring the Game to assure its success and continued contribution to the nation’s economy:

• No more freakin’ Man or Mouse.
• John Dacey will only be able to offer his uniquely helpful comment and advice to players who are ahead on the evening (a parallel to the “uptick” rule on shorting).
• Bob Halliday must look at his cards every hand.
• Government-supervised limits on “Diamond Ben” Richardson’s compensation.

The House can only ascribe to sheer partisan politics (and, perhaps, the ill temper occasioned by nagging groin discomfort) the committee’s decision not to grant the paltry $2.4 billion The House had requested.

In light of this disappointing outcome, The House invites you all to meet at 8 PM, Friday, Dec. 5 to consider our options for joint and several Ch. 11 filings.

Best,

The House