Give Him Enough Grope …

It is The House’s sad duty to report to you that State Sen. James Marzilli, Democrat of Arlington-Lexington-Burlington-Billerica-and-let’s-not-forget-Woburn, was arrested today on charges of groping for chips at an afternoon poker game in Lowell. Authorities said the veteran legislator pulled a straight flush in a game of Man-or-Mouse and refused to cede the pot to “Diamond Ben” Richardson, who showed three fours.

“Waddya mean three of a kind beats a straight flush? What kind of idiot rule is that?” Marzilli was reported to have shouted, a scant second before lunging at the chip pile.

The arrest comes less than a month after police dropped charges against Sen. Marzilli stemming from an incident in which he allegedly groped after the maple syrup at a Boy Scout pancake breakfast.

Marzilli’s attorney, Rusty Hardin, told The Arlington Advocate that he will pursue the sort of “truth defense” more commonly employed in libel cases. “Waddya mean three of a kind beats a straight flush?” Mr. Hardin explained. “What kind of idiot rule is that?”

Let us convene in solemn session this Friday, June 6 at 8 PM to consider whether to file an amicus curiae brief on Sen. Marzilli’s behalf.

Best,

The House