It’s been a tough month for Bob “Rocket” Halliday. No sooner had he finished counting his winnings from the last Game (about 10:20 Monday morning) than he was served with a subpoena from the Waxman Committee. Despite his staunch and repeated denials of the charge, he was hauled down to DC to testify about his alleged use of Inhuman Luck Hormone.
“Brother Dacey and I are good friends and we work out together a lot,” Brother Halliday told the stone-faced committee. ”In October of 2004, he gave me some cream that he said would help my game. He told me it was Ben Gay.
“Brother Marshall gave me some Minoxidil in June, 2006, but I used that on my moustache.
“The only time I’ve ever taken a shot in my butt was the rabies vaccine we all had to take when Oskar had the go-round with the raccoon. Oh, and Kim Vandiver drilled me in the left cheek when I tried to stretch out a double at Cape Cod one year.”
Chairman Waxman, however, remained unconvinced: ”Son, I’d like to believe you. But you’re not exactly helping your case when you DON’T EVEN LOOK AT YOUR DAMN CARDS HALF THE TIME!!”
The Kangaroo Court to review the charges against the Rocket will convene this Friday, March 7 at 8 PM here at the Hillside Star Chamber.
Best,
The House
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